I͓̽ ͓̽w͓̽a͓͓̽̽n͓͓̽̽t͓͓̽̽e͓͓̽̽d͓̽ to share a few reflections from my “Spiritual path” and where I’m at right now, and let me be clear right off the bat, I don’t have it all figured out. Not by a long shot. 😅
First off, I grew up deeply rooted in Western evangelicalism, and I never thought I’d have a magical practice of my own. That sort of thing was strictly forbidden, even thinking such a foolish thing destined you hellbound. So when I discovered my magic, you can imagine it was quite a shock.
Now, I’ve deconstructed and made peace with leaving churchianity behind, but the truth is, many times when I light a candle, pull a card, or speak out loud to unseen entities, a part of me still expects God to punish me… When I feel sick, when I get a pain in my chest, I still think it’s God hurting me for walking an “evil path.”
Honestly, I even still flinch when I hear the word magic, but I know that’s a fear response from the twisted interpretation of magic I was taught growing up. I wonder (and I truly ponder this quite often), how long will it take for me to untangle all of this vicious programming embedded within me? How long until I can truly be free?
Evangelicalism didn’t teach me about loving and working with nature, with healing, with lightwork, and every other facet of magic for the life of the world(s). No, the background I came from portrayed magic as all blood sacrifice, cursing, Satan worship, and all left-hand path routes.
Christianity does not differentiate between light and dark magic… They do not take into consideration intent, and all of the magical acts Yeshua and His disciples practiced in the Near East are called “miracles” and placed within a neat little box all on its own. (I talk about the distinction between magic vs. miracles in this post.)
When I found my magic, it didn’t feel evil; it felt true. It felt like something that had always been there, waiting for me. It helped me communicate with my home and the land it’s built on. It helped me access the inner worlds to find that which had been previously missing from my life. It helped me alchemize my own shortcomings for good.
In the physical, magic helped me lose 70 lbs, it helped me write a musical album, it helped me balance the energy in my home… Through magic, I have been able to stop taking all the prescription medications I was on1.
Let me be clear, I’m an extremely beginner apprentice to magic, but it’s already helped me better my life in a myriad of ways.
So, as I continue to move down this path, I want to emphasize to you that I am not somebody who has it all together. I’m not some sort of Spiritual guru, I’m literally just a messed-up guy trying to find the answers that make the most sense to me based on what I’ve seen and felt to be true.
I’ve never stopped loving God; I’ve just stopped believing the people who claim to be speaking for him. The ones making all the rules.
Until I write again,
May your God, whoever it may be, be with you,
B.
I’m not recommending any of you stop taking any prescriptions without consulting your healthcare provider. This was my personal situation and may vary immensely from yours! Take care of yourself.